Learnt a lot of things about relationship lately.. the hard way through self experience. Did lots of unpredictable and illogical things that made some of my close friends question : is this Tapai? Well. This IS Tapai. Though most of the time this guy does not have much wants in life, but when he wants, he would do anything for the thing he wants most, including crazy stuff that might even go against 'adat'.
That's the thing with Malay culture. It is full of 'Adat', which it's objective is more towards 'sopan santun', 'jaga hati' and 'cakap berlapik'. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for 'Adat' because it is the identity of one society. However, i do think that there is a borderline between satisfying the criterion of 'Adat' and Satisfying ones need for happiness. Breaking 'Adat' would cause shame. Quoting a good friend, "Shame is temporary, Happiness is Forever". I do think that's true. But some people prefer short term against long term so if that is what they want, that is what they get.
But that's all in the past now. What should have happened, happened. What i should have done, I did. I shed new light to other peoples lives and i really feel good about it. No regrets. As my mum used to say, "Jangan sampai cakap 'kalau' ".
A new perspective about the term ,"Is He/She the one?". Farul told me," The one means the right girl at the right time". These previous weeks, i may have found the right girl, but i must have left my brain sumwhere and left out the 'right time' factor.
How do you know that it is the right girl? Well, for me, you just know. Before this, i could not tell the difference between infactuation/fling or Love. But now at least I do. And i guess i'm lucky to have a few friends beside me as an acid test. The simplest way is to look Ayil in the eyes and say ,' Aku suka dia' confidently. If I move away my eyes, then i am just forcing myself. There are others tests, but i would not dare to reveal it here.
Ayil, Ceng, Rumet, and Farul can always tell if the girl is suitable. That is just how close we are. And of course i would always note that their point of view is always the out come of discussion that they have with their wife, Esah, Along, Qz, and Jue. I can't really imagine where would i stand now if they weren't there to support (and also to make gay, loser and other inappropriate jokes as well).
Suddenly, i think i've exposed my self too much in this blog.. but i don't think i give a damn.. wait a minute....
yeah.. Don't give a damn.
Farul advised me to treat this as a learning process, and try to turn things in such a way that it becomes a motivation. Well, I do believe that i learnt a lot, especially in discovering my own self. And i guess, my friends would have learnt sumthing from my experience. Esah said,"Tapai, At least kitorang tahu ko bukan jenis yang sanggup break up somebody's home for your own self interest". And She also said "Tapai Lagi Handsome dari Ayil". Ahahaha.. (Teka, which statement yang Tipu?).
"Tuhan takkan bagi dugaan yang tak tertanggung". I heard that from sumwhere, and it basically means that if sumbody is meant to be a great person, he/she will have to go through great hurdles in life. There are times that i feel that i am tested until i nearly cross the borderline of sanity. Times that i feel that my chest is about to explode. Times that i feel so helpless. But hey, this means that my 'dugaan' is great.. and I am destined to be a great person. Hurrah!
Emotional Roller Coaster. That is what this experience was. If given the choice to choose between Genting's Triple Looper, Korea's Gyro Drop, and Australia's Lethal Weapon ride combined against Emotional Roller coaster, I would choose the first without hesitation. Well at least I survived the last one. Barely.
So what did I Actually do for the past few weeks? Must've been something sinful, sumthing bad, sumthing in a great magnitude. Well, let's just say something big could have happened. For better or worse? I would not know. But since in everyday Doa we always ask for 'Petunjuk' and something better, i should say what happened is for the best. And for those who knows.. cherish and learn from it.
I know i would. Till the end of time.